Mommin’…am I doing it right?

I’ve been doubting myself a lot lately, I’ve been doubting my competence as a mother; as a good mother and its really bothering me.
I feel like I’m doing a lot wrong and I feel as if I’m missing some big secret. I have so many questions for myself, for the universe about this parenting thing..

Like should I have breaks in my day while I’m doing this mommin’ thing? Am I even allowed to have breaks? If I take a break and watch a series for a whole hour or two does that make me a lazy mother? Should I be learning how to cook in my spare time? Am I supposed to be on my feet all day, should I stand ready in case one of my kids need something?

I’m still new to this whole thing, I haven’t been a mother for that long and I know I have a lot to learn still….I’m basically an intern and all these other moms that have been in this business longer than I have are like managers and trainers and when these veteran parents give advice, they basically telling you how its supposed to be done, right? Right?

I’m so confused, I feel like everyone is watching me and what I’m going to do next. At times I feel as if I’m stepping on egg shells and I’m so afraid to make a mistake that I end up freezing and not wanting to do anything and lets remember that I’m talking about raising my kids, MY OWN KIDS! How ridiculous is that? I end up letting others dictate to me because I’m afraid to make a mistake because when I do make one or when I don’t do my mommin’ the right way, I can feel everyone whispering and raising eyebrows or maybe I’m just paranoid…

The problem is that I’m afraid of what other people think and I’m afraid to disappoint other people when what I really should be doing is focusing on my kids.

My mind races every single day because I’m so worried that I’m not doing it right…
I don’t want to be a bad mother. I want to be a supermom!

How long before my internship ends? How long before I feel like a confident mother?

Will I ever?

Maybe in the end all that matters is that my kids still smile at me when they look at me or hug me when they are sad.

I think right now, that’s all that matters.

My life as a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom)

Wow! Is the first thought that comes to mind and also congratulations to all the SAHM’s,you all deserve an award and some time off. I never realised how hard it was to be a parent until I stayed at home and did only that.

Before I get into my personal experience of being a stay-at-home-mother,I would just like to give a piece of valuable advice: When you have a bit of spare time or extra time on your hands,utilise it to the max. Whether it is to do more chores,do a bit of work from home if you are in that position or if its simply to relax and read,do it. Time is not your friend when you have small kids ( I have a one year old toddler and a small baby ) and I’ve learned that if I get up in the morning and get working as soon as I’ve had my coffee,I get a lot more done and I feel much more fulfilled at the end of the day. And trust me,there will always be something to do;if I’m not stuck on the bed breastfeeding my new born,I’m running after my toddler. If I’m not busy with the kids,I’m either cleaning the dishes,doing laundry,tidying up the house,cleaning bottles,packing my closets or packing the kids’closets or simply searching for my sanity somewhere. The list is endless and I think its because as a SAHM you are always trying to overcompensate for the fact that you aren’t working in an office or maybe it’s because we try to do the best for our kids and want them to have a clean and happy home. Whatever your personal reasons,you are ALWAYS busy. That’s basically the point of being a SAHM.

Now there are days when I am close to the point of tears; however small your kids are,they have the power to push you to your limits and when they achieve that,they keep on pushing past your limits until they manage to pull you back with smiles,hugs,cute words and love in their eyes. You can’t not love them. They belong to your to your heart.

My children are small,they command and demand all of my attention and time. Even nap time in the afternoon is too short sometimes because just when I feel I can rest just a bit,one or both babies make their voices heard and I’m back to the grind. Time management has become crucial in my life. I wake up early to get my daily workout in and I do as much as possible before 9am,that’s when my toddler gets up. After that its making breakfast, getting the kiddies dressed,changing nappies,yelling “No!” a million times,cleaning up toys more times than I can count and drinking many many cups of coffee before midday.

The point of this post is not to complain (okay,maybe it is just a bit) but just to share how having kids changed my life. You cannot be selfish with your time,taking deep breaths becomes your lifeline and the amount of joy,laughs and smiles you get from seeing your little ones grow up is astounding. Being a SAHM is just one big adventure.

Being a SAHM has made my realize how very important a mother is in the lives of her children because even when I yell at my toddler,she still reaches out to me and wants me to comfort her,that to me is everything.

How I got my groove back!

I finally stepped on the scale 7 weeks after giving birth to my second child,a baby boy named Mason. I have been worried about my weight ever since my first child,a girl named Morgan,who was born about 18 months ago. I didn’t really get a chance to lose the weight from the first pregnancy because I became pregnant again so soon after giving birth the first time. But this past weekend I decided that I want to take care of my body the way I did before I had children.

Of course I’m going to be realistic;I know I’ll  never have the same body I had back then and that’s okay with me. I just want to have a body that I can be happy with. This time around its not about being super skinny,its about being fit and strong and confident and wanting to be a role model to my kids.

So I stepped on the scale and I was ecstatic when I saw the numbers. I lost about 9 kilograms in the past 7 weeks and I didn’t even lift a weight. I did however do something.

Having a toddler and a new born baby has literally been all the exercise I’ve been doing. My daughter is extremely active and she’s in that stage where she runs all over the place and climbs on top of everything. She loves the outdoors and grabs anything she can get her tiny little hands on. So naturally I have to run after her,chase her,pick her up and throw her up in the air when the opportunity presents itself and that’s already a full workout. It’s amazing how much energy you need for such a small person.

Then there is breastfeeding my new born. I didn’t breastfeed the first time so I never knew the actual benefits of it until now. It really does help you lose weight. It’s as if my son is sucking out all the fat and taking it in cheeks,tummy and thighs.

After seeing how much weight I’ve managed to get rid of,I’ve had this growing confidence inside me;I even put on an old pair of jeans that I haven’t worn in months. I suddenly feel so good about myself and about my weight and my future goals. I’m not afraid or ashamed to look in the mirror and Im so proud of what my 24 year old body has managed to achieve.

I’ve realised how important self perception is and I believe that by being positive about who I am,I can be a better mother to my kids. After all,I owe all this to them.

 

 

 

 

Don’t be a lazy parent!

Over the past two weeks I’ve learned a lot about being a good mother to my daughter; I’ve watched her grow and I’ve seen how she observes the world and I’ve realized I have a big role in how she will understand how things and people around her work. I don’t want to be a lazy parent and even though there will be days when I am dead tired and I have no energy to do anything, I will always make sure the development of my children come first.

When you have young children, you need all the energy you can spare and even when you don’t have energy, you make sure you get off your a** and play with your child. They are so small; all they understand is interaction and exploring and playing, its how they learn. Toddlers especially want to see everything, touch everything and go everywhere. From my own personal experience, I see how my daughter hates being restricted; she loves walking around and touching everything she sees and unpacking and throwing things around; its what she does and I do get exhausted every time I have to put things back or tell her “No” or take her away from anything that can break. It does get tiring when you have to do it 1000 times a day but that’s what it takes to be a parent.  Don’t ignore their needs when it comes to things like this. It plays an important part in how they will understand how you fit in their lives. You need to put their development before your exhaustion. That’s the one lesson I’ve kept in mind over the past two weeks. It also helped me learn who I am as a parent and how strong I am. It showed me that I can handle all the ups and downs that come with being a parent.

Watching my girl grow is an amazing experience; seeing how she walks all over and is surprised by everything around her, it makes me happy. Learning who she is and who she might become one day amazes me. When I see how stubborn she can be or how smart she is for a one-year-old, it brings absolute joy to my heart and I wouldn’t trade being a part of that for anything.

Crying (or screaming) is the only way little children know how to express themselves, you need to understand this about your toddler and you need to cater to his or her needs. Play is an important part of their physical, mental and social development and if you’re going to be a lazy parent and just let them roam around by themselves or put them in front of the t.v or stick them in a cot or stroller, it will only affect them and your relationship with them negatively.

At the beginning of their toddler years, its vital to give them all the attention that they require, need or want. Babies and toddlers don’t really understand discipline and what I’ve learned from watching my own daughter, is that trying to scold them or getting upset with them because they “don’t listen”, is a waste of time. They just want to play and eventually they will run out of steam and then you can have your break. Remember: its about them, not you.

Everything is and can be a game to your toddler; they can absolutely laugh at anything and they get so excited at the smallest things. Make your child’s toddler years memorable and be imaginative. When you put in that little extra effort, your child will associate anything that’s fun, with you. Don’t be a lazy parent. Be an interactive one. Be visible. Be there.

If you’re not willing to walk up and down a million times behind a little person even though your feet are killing you and your body is about to give in, you can’t really call yourself a parent. Being a mother or a father is about sacrifice; sacrificing your own comfort for that little person’s needs. Your baby didn’t ask to be here but now that he or she is here, you have to make sure to put them first, always.

Spending time stimulating your little one, helps both of you to build a solid relationship and helps you understand your child better and ultimately contributes to you being a better parent.

Blessed beyond compare…

I’ve been sitting here at my desk scrolling through an album that shows the journey a family has taken with a baby who was born with a deformity and thus didn’t live and I almost burst out in tears, I did actually cry, it took a lot for me to compose myself. Their story touched me deeply and made me realize how absolutely blessed and favored I am.

Not many women are lucky enough to carry a baby, so many things can go wrong. Many women lose their sweet little angels at birth and I pray every day that I am not one of them. I’m getting so close to giving birth and even though I am so excited and happy, there is this fear that hangs over my head. I pray to God every night to please protect my little baby and also my one-year-old daughter who I love more than I ever loved anyone.

Its amazing how deep your fear and your love becomes when you become a parent, its almost consuming and overpowering and it will be with you for all the days of your life.

I am so blessed that my first child was born happy and healthy, she is now the feistiest little girl I know with a whole lot of personality. I look forward to meeting my new child (doctor said it looks like a little girl as well 🙂 ). I am so grateful that I’ll get to spend my life with these little people; to watch them grow and learn and hopefully I’ll be around to see them make their mark in the world.

I don’t care what people say about me and my pregnancy, I don’t care that people think I won’t succeed or that I was irresponsible by getting pregnant in the first place. I honestly don’t care. All I care about now is taking care of my children and building a life for them that will keep them safe and teach them about love. I am honestly one of the luckiest woman on this planet and my children are everything to me.

I am truly blessed beyond compare…

Traveling with baby

So we’ll be going on holiday in 2 weeks and I’m super excited about it. Its been a long, hard but beautiful year and I think we deserve a little break. We’ll be flying to Cape Town and it’ll be my first time in 5 years flying again, I’m really looking forward to it. It will also be my little girl’s first time flying or traveling anywhere for that matter. I can’t wait to see how she experiences the sea, the beach and everything else that goes with the festive season.

Even though I am really excited about our family holiday, there are a couple of things that I am nervous about. Traveling with a baby; it’ll be a first for me. There are so many things to consider; What to pack, what I’ll need close by on the flight, will my baby be comfortable? What do I do when she gets an earache from flying? How much clothes should I pack, how many luggage bags will I have? All these questions are running through my mind, plus I’m 6 months pregnant so my hormones are also all over the place.

So I’ve decided to make a list of what I personally think is important. I mean I know my daughter better than anyone else so here it goes….

WHAT TO PACK:

Because we’ll only be away for 5 days, the essentials obviously go first:

*Toiletries

*Clothes

*Milk and food

*Favourite toys

*Her dum-dums (dummy/pacifier/lifesaver)

HAND LUGGAGE ON THE PLANE:

*Bottles

*Favourite toy

*A snack

*Changing gear

*A book

*Her dum-dums (dummy/pacifier/lifesaver)

Since its our first time flying as a family, the experience will be new to us all and maybe it won’t be as hard and I imagine it will be.

What was your first time like flying with your baby?

Please share your stories and tips 🙂

 

You are beautiful mama!

I’ve read so many articles on body image before, during and after pregnancy; every article says something different and most times they say the same thing, just differently. This morning I read another article on how to love your pregnancy body,( http://www.fitpregnancy.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/learning-love-your-pregnancy-body?utm_source=fitpregnancyfb_Pregnancy&utm_medium=Evergreen&utm_campaign=Editorial+Content_20151108011114) and I realized none of these articles ever mention the most important thing: the love your baby or your child has for your body.

Your baby doesn’t care if you picked up more weight than you planned or if you have stretchmarks all over your body. He or she doesn’t care whether or not your jeans don’t fit you anymore or whether or not you get to wear a bikini again. All that child really wants is to be loved and held by you, despite all your own insecurities. I get that women need to feel beautiful and confident, I struggle with my own body issues. I’m 23 and pregnant with my second baby but I’m slowly learning to love myself again, stretchmarks and all.

What I’m trying to say is that we need to remember why our bodies changed and for who and what we ultimately got out of it. You can always work on your body again but don’t put yourself under so much pressure so soon after having children to have the “perfect body”, there is no such thing anyway.

Even articles that try to encourage positivity put us under pressure even when they don’t mean to; showing us examples of women who have succeeded in getting back to their pre-pregnancy bodies or showing us women who still have the weight plus the stretchmarks, yes its encouraging to an extent but we need to remember every woman’s body is completely different and that comes from many different factors such as family history or health issues. Your story will never be the same as mine and vice versa.

I want us to set realistic goals for ourselves and work toward our own personal goals at our own pace. I’m done putting myself under pressure and comparing myself to other women, to women who never even had children. My daughter loves me, she’s so attached and she loves climbing on top of me and I absolutely love the fact that my body was strong enough to carry her and is still able to carry her now while I’m carrying her baby brother or sister inside of me, now that is something that should be celebrated! Those are the lessons that I want to pass down to her; the amount of criticism that young women face today is unbelievable and me being one of them and experiencing it as well; I cant imagine putting my daughter through that. It really isn’t worth it.

So, to all the women who feel let down by themselves: You are beautiful, strong, resilient and absolutely amazing and don’t you forget it!

Pregnancy…this time around.

I feel like this time around my pregnancy is a bit harder on me, not in terms of what to expect obviously because I already have an idea of that but in an emotional sense and by that I mean exhaustion. I’m much more tired this time around.

I’m also extremely emotional, even now as I’m writing this post there are tears welling up in my eyes but I’ve mastered the art of holding my tears back. Also, I feel like the pregnancy is heavier on my body and that could be because of many different reasons, like the fact that the baby (according to the doctor) is rather big and maybe because I’m a working mommy now and I have another little person at home who needs my attention so I don’t have a lot of time to just laze around like I did the first time. So exhaustion is 10 times worse now but I pride myself in knowing I’ve been handling it well so far.

I am enjoying the feel of my baby kicking and moving, I love knowing he (I hope) is in there being a little busy person. I absolutely adore my babies. Yes, its hard and complicated at times and yes there are moments when I wish I had made different decisions but I absolutely don’t regret anything right now. I am where I am meant to be and I know things will only get better from here on out.

I’m deviating from the point of this post; the effect of my second pregnancy. My appetite is also different these days, when I was pregnant the first time, I became hungry a lot at night but that doesn’t or hasn’t happened during this pregnancy yet, except maybe last night when I really wanted a peanut butter and jam sandwich. I also don’t feel like I picked up as much weight as I did the first time around and that could also be because I walk a lot now and I’m always up and down with my little girl. She has TONS of energy and doesn’t like being still.

I really hope all this activity helps to make the birth easier because the first time around was hell!

My eating habits differ as well; I think I eat less junk than I did during my first pregnancy. I try and eat a lot of fruit and drink a lot of water but I have been bad and had fizzy drinks here and there, something I was terrified to do the first time. I guess you become more relaxed with your second baby.

The first time I was pregnant, I had a lot of morning sickness or rather anytime sickness since it didn’t only come in the morning, actually it never came in the morning now that I think about it but this time I only had it once. I have felt nauseous but I haven’t really let anything out. I take that as a blessing but I’m also worried that it still might surprise me. Can morning sickness suddenly start in your second or third trimester?

Something else that’s also new with this pregnancy, is my pregnancy brain. I have a really bad case of it. I forget things as soon as it happens and I feel like my brain is much much slower. Something that I loved doing with my first baby was take pictures of my growing bump, I’m sad to say that I haven’t done so this time around. I think I may have 2 or 3 pictures, same with the sonar pictures. I have two of this pregnancy but with my daughter I had one almost every month. I don’t know whether the lack of pictures is because I don’t have time or because I just don’t make the effort. But I’ll try and take more pictures from here on out.

I guess I can’t expect this pregnancy to be the same like the first one, I mean I’m having a completely different baby and I am also not the same person I was the first time around. It makes sense that each pregnancy is different, my kids will most likely have different personalities as well. I’m excited to find out.

Pregnancy niggles and giggles.

So everyone knows that a woman goes through multiple changes when she’s carrying a life inside of her and I know you’ve all probably read all the gross and weird things that happen to a woman’s body but I want to share my personal experience, just so you know the struggle is real.

First of all lets start with the most annoying part…bathroom breaks. When a woman tells you that the toilet becomes your best friend during pregnancy, believe her. You become so afraid to drink water, tea or juice because you know you’ll end up going to the toilet 10 or 15 times in the space of one hour. The thing that’s even more annoying than that is when you do get to the loo, only a droplet comes out despite you having felt like you were about to burst and release the Niagara Falls..

Then there’s what I’d like to call the “wet panty” syndrome. If the name doesn’t already tell you what I mean by that then allow me to explain. While you always need to go to the loo to release those little drops that actually feel like tons and tons of liquid, you are also stuck with the dripping of liquid onto your underwear constantly which forces you to wear panty liners. If you think wearing a tampon or a pad a few days a month is a hassle, wearing a panty liner is just as annoying, maybe even more so because you know you don’t have a choice but to wear it every single day. True story.

Then we get to what might actually be my most favourite part…food. You are entitled to eat anything and everything during pregnancy, or at least everything that wont harm you or the baby. But if you’re like me and you are always hungry, you end up eating everything you packed in your lunch bag for work before 12 O’clock in the afternoon and that becomes a problem when you work an 8-hour shift. So you end up spending money on things you didn’t want to spend money on like chocolates and sweets and chocolates….can you see where I’m going with this?

So even though pregnancy is a beautiful and amazing time, its also a time of discomfort and irritation and its okay because mommies are human too.

Those are my main pregnancy niggles and giggles….what are yours?

Happy birthday to me.

October is a very special month for me; it’s the month in which my baby girl was born and this year in two weeks she will be a full 1-year-old. She’s changed my life since the moment I found out I was having her and its been a miraculous journey being her mother.

It’s also my birthday, not the normal kind of birthday but this year in October it will also be my first birthday as a mother. I was reborn last year on the 25th when I became a mother to the sweetest, fiercest little girl I know.

I’ve grown as a person, I’ve discovered strengths,weaknesses,highs and lows. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in a year but I’ve had so much love and laughter, the sleep is not even a factor. I’ve cried, I’ve been angry, I have been terribly afraid but I have seen a side to myself and to life that I never knew existed.

I’m a stronger woman today and I am so proud of myself!

So this is just a short post to say happy birthday to me and happy birthday to all the other mommies that were born last year in October.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday!